Jumbled Mess of a Situation

Hello again!
Whew, it has been a crazy week and I''m only half way there.


Between starting a new job, living out of a suitcase, moving into a new apartment and attending my cousin's wedding reception in Toledo, I've barely had enough time to breathe, let alone blog. 
I would jump to say I'm back to blogging on a regular basis, but since I've never consistently kept up with posting, I don't think I can legally say that in the blogging world. BUT, fingers-crossed - here' s hope to some consistency in my life!


Speaking of consistency - my life has ZERO right now! And I while I am not okay with the current jumbled mess of a situation, I think I have been handling it quite well, especially for an anxious, type A, need to have schedules type of person. 


I've dealt with my food issues and my sleeping habits (yes, Erin Michelle Gilliam saw 11:00pm on the clock more than 2 nights in a row) but the one thing I've had a lot of troubles with is my running. 


I told myself weeks ago that I would start to train for the full Columbus marathon in the fall, and if time was a factor, or life just got too crazy - there would be nothing wrong with either doing the half marathon, OR just running for fun.
I was on track until this weekend. 


14 miles was on the schedule for Saturday. 14. That is a lot for a solo run. Hell, that is a lot for a group run. Although I had my doubts, on Saturday I set out on my run with the mindset to complete the 14 miles. 
5 miles later, I stopped. It was hot. It was humid. I was exhausted and my mind was just  n o t  t h e r e. 


I was discouraged. Almost tearful. I hate not being perfect. How could I train for a marathon and not get all of my long runs in? Is it even worth trying again? I hate to admit it, but this whole incident ruined my weekend. How sad is that? Sometimes I get so down on myself for not being perfect that I get into awful moods, then I get even more angry that I am so hard on myself to begin with. It really, honestly is a painful cycle, and I recommend none of you out there to try it, haha. 


Needless to say, it's been one heck of an emotional end to an already crazy week. I'm in a constant mind battle with running, my weight, perfection, how I look, and even how I talk (yes, I had a major stuttering problem that still haunts me today - give me a few drinks and you experience it for yourself) and when life is chaotic and stressful, these battles just get stronger.
Sometimes I know I just need to stop, take a deep breath and just breathe.
It's hard.
But it needs to be done - I'm trying. 

p.s. more to come on my new job and my new apartment!